A Hollywood script for Jerry‘s meeting with Dez

The Meeting of the Year is here, and Dez v. Jerry is all set for The Star on Friday.

If the Cowboys print T-shirts for a regular-season game against the New York Giants, why can‘t they produce merchandise for this showdown? I‘d actually buy a Jerry Jones v. Dez Bryant coffee mug.

Because no one in Jerry Jones‘ camp has leaked to ESPN NFL know-it-all Adam Schefter what the Cowboys are going to do, we are all a collection of weather forecasters guessing on tomorrow‘s conditions.

Of course, bookmakers have set odds on what the Cowboys will do; apparently, .


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Jerry Jones discusses Dez Bryant and his future with the Cowboys. McClatchychill-telegram

How will this meeting go? Awkwardly.

Rather than guess, the following is a proposed script for a short-short series on this very meeting, to be produced and aired by Netflx. Cast as Jerry Jones is three-time Oscar winner, Meryl Streep. Don‘t laugh; her range is boundless.

Cast as Dez Bryant is the Black Panther himself, Chadwick Boseman. Why? Because Samuel L. Jackson is too old, and Boseman not only has the abs but is the one current African-American actor Hollywood will actually cast in major movies.

Playing a bit part is Jason Garrett, who will be played by Scooter, the orange puppet from the longtime hit, The Muppets.


Interior: Wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey, jeans and flip flops, Dez Bryant walks into Jerry Jones‘ office at The Star; Jerry is sitting in a giant meditation chamber like Darth Vader used in The Empire Strikes Back and other Star Wars movies.

Dez: Jerry, let‘s do this but I ain‘t takin‘ no pay cut.

(Jerry Jones leaves the chamber and sits behind his elevated desk)

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Jerry: Now, Dez — I‘m not tryin‘ to be trite — but yes. Yes. Yes. Sit down. Sit down. Good to see you.

First of all, I want you to know how much I love you. My family loves you. Candidly, you need to know how critical you have been to the success of the Dallas Cowboys. We could not have achieved all of these great things without your work. Your sacrifice and catchin‘ them touchdown passes, be they from Romo or Bledsoe.

Dez: Bledsoe?

Jerry: Now when you were comin‘ out of Oklahoma State, I could have stomped on a crippled cricket‘s (bleep) or not drafted you. Because I saw your talent, I opened that windah of the opened window. You see?

(The two men stare at each other for 3 minutes)

Dez: Yeah, I feel you.

Jerry: Point is, I was the only one in the entire organization of this thing we all love and want to be a part of called the NFL who wanted you to be a part of the Dallas Cowboys. I did that ‘cause I make the decisions. I‘m the final decision.

(The door opens and Jason Garrett walks in with a tray of two glasses, one contains Johnny Walker Blue and the other is a Capri Sun with a straw)

Coach Garrett: Fellas, how we doin‘ today? Lot of good energy in here. Was runnin‘ late Coach, here you guys go. Dez, we love you and want you to be a part of this football team because we love your fire and passion.

(Coach Garrett leaves without being acknowledged by either man)

Dez: That‘s why I will always love you. You stuck by me through thick and thin. Just like that thing with the video tape.

Jerry: Video tape?

Dez: That doesn‘t matter. Whatcha you wanna do?

Jerry: We could sit around here all day and talk about why this and why that and what‘s important is not you. It‘s not me. It‘s the thing that‘s bigger than you, and bigger than little ol‘ Jerry.. And that‘s the Dallas Cowboys. That‘s why I flat fired Jimmy‘s (bleep). I‘m just a valet holder and a steward who happens to be a billionaire for this thing that we love so much.

Dez: Jerry, I don‘t mean no disrespect man, but this sounds a lot like that load of BS you shoved on T.O. when you cut him.

Jerry: When I was a kid, my daddy had me work in one of his supermarkets in Arkansas. I ate asbestos sandwiches for lunch. I cleaned the bottom of the toilets with a brown penny that I could only keep if everything was spotless. Now you can bet a ritalin-addicted rat I was gonna appreciate that penny cause my daddy made me work for it.

Dez: So you want me to take a pay cut, huh?

Jerry: Don‘t listen to all of these guys in the media or what not or what for to you. We are both committed to gettin‘ this thing right, and doing what‘s best for the Dallas Cowboys football franchise to get back to that glory hole.

Dez: I‘m right there with you. I just wanna win. I‘m just ‘bout football. I wanna do it here. So I think we can work something out. I‘m gonna work with Dak and we‘re gonna get this right. I got a lot of good ball left in me.

Jerry: And I know that. And … what‘s his name? (pause) Jason?! That‘s it! He knows that. And Stephen knows that. And Scott Linehan, who is one of the most brilliant offensive minds I‘ve ever been a part of in the NFL, knows that. We all know that.

We want you to be a part of it, but it‘s got to work for both sides. I think you‘ve got a lot of good football left, maybe 10 years. Maybe 15. Get you some Pro Bowls.

Dez: I don‘t know ‘bout all that, but I ain‘t done.

Jerry: No sir. You‘re the best.. Before I forget, Dez, you‘re cut.



The Dallas Cowboys have the 19th pick in the 2018 NFL Draft on April 26-28. These are the 15 guys most likely to end up in Dallas, according to draft experts. Lena Blietzlblietz-telegram